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Alex of Macedon

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with all this j-u-i-c-e around... [Dec. 6th, 2016|11:27 pm]
Alex of Macedon
[Current Music |jon benet - 18 carat affair]

round and round the sphere, and i still find myself at myself. there's endless will to keep moving across the globe but i miss southern california beyond my bones. i miss going to the supermarket in shorts and flip flops.

i'll roll myself up in blankets, listening to the seagulls outside cawing, shut my eyes tight, and think of malibu. thanks be to cheap airfare (365 GBP whaaat) that'll be a reality in two weeks. i think after this glut of traveling in december i'll need vacation from flying. dear nat came from nyc for thanksgiving, and we headed to hamburg to sup at joanne's. dear stephen made it from the depths of the amazon, and even peter's hans blix specs made it to the table. baby carlotta was bouncier than ever, and the whisky, peatier than ever. (y'hear that kieran? we're only drinking from orkney now.)

bad news along the way though. ylva died from an infection from a bone marrow transfusion which came as a shock to everyone. on the last day, i saw nat off to the airport and took another flight. i wish i had called sooner. this plainclothes saint was everything to my family. she taught my dad english before moving to the States, she was my mom's best friend and touchstone in greece, she laid flowers on my brother's grave on a regular basis, and was the first person from the village to accept my stepdad. it was all so sudden and being still in shock while in greece, it only hit me when i had missed my flight, sequestered in the godforsaken schönefeld airport terminal D, in the wee hours of the night, that she was gone. away forever. i broke down in front of strangers and didn't care. i'm tired of trying to keep strangers strange.

death in life is another type of pain that does not ease up through experience. it hurts every time because it's bigger than you. but still, it means somewhere in this crusty old heart lurks love, possibly-only for the right people. she was light, no fear, sharing. rest in peace, bright swimmer.

it's off to finals. wish me luck. thinking of a trip to the carolina lowcountry after a summer internship...
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viernes por la noche, afilar mis ganas [Jul. 16th, 2015|07:07 pm]
Alex of Macedon
[Current Music |inkhaf]

Summer so far in Greece:

swimming in the libyan sea 3 km through underwater tunnels, finding deserted beaches
twice finding lost relatives thrice-removed in the most random of places
fighting with a nursing goat-ess on a rock atoll
hoarding sea fennel on the rocky coast
handling a dangerously delicate friends' past breakup
mosquito swatting
tsipouro at 6
beers at mikropolis
going to demos as always the good nationalist
falling in love with the sea for the first time
giving the finger to herr schäuble
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warm sugary breeze [Apr. 14th, 2015|01:49 am]
Alex of Macedon
[Current Music |mixtape of funky arabic tunes collected by janis jarkarta]

I left a continent on fire four years ago to end up on a sinking one, and it seems the rest will soon be flooded. I am gonna need a bigger gun.

Is it really recommendable to focus on one thing at a time, have one social group at a time, one livelihood, one life? I feel the more you spread yourself out in this world, the more vulnerable your mind and soul become to outside forces, if not for the proper rational adjustments. Protractively displaced experiences from one another can lead to a loss of self and location; location as adjacency. Does meeting hundreds of differently oriented people, while enriching, produce a beneficial output without exception? Maybe the vignettes of a beer with a Mozambican gardener, the kayak trip with the Spanish hippies, the talk with a roommate about love in winter, or the plane ride to Seattle with the WWII veteran are too disparate. So many viewpoints to juggle, absorb, and take stock of.

This could be the misgiving hamlet dwellers refer to in their will to grow where they are planted. Maybe it is just better to be an insipid, one-track human being with a convergent goal, with a strong trunk, for the sake of a centered self, and far from something self-centered.

In the end, I think the farmer deserves more credit than the writer. "Los logros del pasado y el presente no garantizan el futuro, sino lo hacen mas perceptible."
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inverse reflection [Jan. 1st, 2014|11:23 pm]
Alex of Macedon
[Current Music |polaris]

things done in 2013 for the first time:

+unpaid internship
+saw the sun rise on the street during party hours
+fireworks 15 feet from my face
+third emotional shift
+attended a balkan wedding
+drove against LA county's 3 borders in one day
+sex with a best friend
+ran a greek marathon
+lived in germany
+wrote a press release
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used to say [Dec. 30th, 2013|07:51 pm]
Alex of Macedon
[Current Mood |many many]

i like chopin.
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turning point. [Sep. 30th, 2013|12:01 am]
Alex of Macedon
[Current Mood |through it.]
[Current Music |quasimoto--the unseen (sunday morning muzak)]

autumn just rolled in this week. there's a shift going on, i can feel it. perception, direction, dreams. not toward the completely new, either.

walked down the old neighborhood near the huge cemetary in hamburg with all the trees turning colors earlier this week.

rode my (roommate's) bike today in the sunset and felt so insignificant, as insignificant as that fluttering brown leaf caught in an exhaust thermal, and completely at peace.

convergence of values and actions.
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k. richards [Jun. 21st, 2013|01:00 am]
Alex of Macedon
[Current Music |chrome sparks-- marijuana]

nat: she says he swaggers, i say he staggers
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it was time. [Feb. 10th, 2013|12:02 am]
Alex of Macedon
[Current Music |DARE's toro y moi remix]

Was reading about the maintained ban on raw almonds in California and remembered how I bought some raw, unripe GREEN almonds at valley produce a couple years ago. After cracking open the fruit, a few of those juicy white seeds were so dank in salad. And just seeing pictures of the fruits, cracked open with the almond hole, its green-grey outside, flashed me back to buying them at that market, cracking them open on my counter with a knife, and life back then. I can even feel their fuzziness on my fingertips, as well as being something a lot more naive and simple. Catching yourself saying "college was over only three years ago" is a powerful indication of getting old. But, even with a quarter of a life lived where a couple years begins to seem like a short period, it's so important to step back and reevaluate changes.

That said, new things done in 2012:
+wrote a 5000+ word A paper in 12 hours, footnotes and references
+drank prosecco through the Italo-Swiss border +++
+had a real roommate
+a summer "fling"
+translated the mayor's speech
+mountain climbed barefoot
+swam under a waterfall
+sang karaoke (long overdue)
+installed a window (big man)
+hosted people continuously for two months
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asymmetric insight [Nov. 16th, 2012|04:30 am]
Alex of Macedon
[Current Mood |anxiousprocrastinatory.]

Me up at does

out of the floor
quietly Stare

a poisoned mouse

still who alive

is asking What
have i done that

You wouldn't have
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jack daniels and sabucco [Oct. 27th, 2012|01:01 pm]
Alex of Macedon
[Current Mood |weirdachey breaky.]
[Current Music |the meters- cissy strut]

pontian turkish dancing followed a convo about how greeks feel right at home in istanbul, and turks feel likewise visiting thessaloniki. had a discussion about the dodgey altaic supergroup language family. still under debate in turkey, it resonates really well with an ethnos which wants to have an asiatic connection, one end to the other. it just makes me wonder about the whole indo-european family; linguists and social scientists were looking for connections between the IE languages because they saw similarities, researched them further and discovered a point of origin. so why shouldn't turkish linguists do the same, if no one else will take it upon themselves. but politically driven studies for ethnic origins-- and as the past shows-- do bring about dangerous outcomes. IE is par excellence the liberal study dating back to the 1600's. today, it can be used for an argument for uniting peoples left and right north and south, and could be claimed as a force of globalization. but its the exclusivity of these super groups that unite people and force others out, almost like a form of ethnic supranationalism.
i think the first cold arrived yesterday....
watching jackie brown makes me incredibly nostalgic for LA. i think it owes to it being a 90's movie showing a city you grew up with, the throwback to blaxploitation movies and really getting into the soundtrack when i was 17. it's been a year since i've moved here. i am not sure i am any more sure about what i want to do, as being a student, i put off not putting off about thinking about life and where to go. clinching the NGO job would be the best step forward, definitely. 
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