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beer-floating roots

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commuting clouds [Dec. 7th, 2018|12:58 pm]
beer-floating roots
[Current Mood |optimisticoptimistic]
[Current Music |warmjet.wav]

cresting that wave of procrastination.

when falling in love, eventually at some umpteenth time, you begin to evaluate your actions and see the heavy footprints you're making. it's evident that the first few instances of conflict in any relationship will determine your own, the other's, and the collective m.o. in that relationship to a profound extent. combining the first mover advantage dynamic together together with both a common and mutual relationship custom of handling things will necessarily crystallise whatever procedure has been set forth.

so say the first time they get into it, Aidan yells. Blaise accepts, whether by yelling back or not protesting. the next time, the same interaction occurs there can be multiple variants to the next interaction, like the substance of that argument, underlying issues, who initiates, etc. but experience holds that when reciprocation happens the next round, it will become very difficult to maneuver out of this situation. distinguishing substance of any future argument from the dynamic of the default method of argumenting will become a greater task as you continue to solidify that dynamic. the association of an operational dynamic to conflict gets a red, fat seal of approval very early on in the relationship. it's almost like a law of nature, as if discord imminently commands an overarching operational standard in order to maintain the bond (, just). trick of nature, i see you.

i don't want to believe non-platonic love at its core is just about pair bonding and/or procreation. you have to adopt new tactics, realign some approaches in order to keep something you cherish so much. love teaches you how to give and get. and the trick of love is to make you a more complete person in general. harmonise, come all ye, to terms.
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mustard dunes [Nov. 27th, 2018|07:24 am]
beer-floating roots
[Current Mood |lockdown]
[Current Music |jumpin fiddlesticks]

taking a bus to the beach is a privilege. the aura of a vessel transporting creatures to a place of salty deposition and abandon is so seductive, as shocks of reverberant green against rushes of charred orange asborbs the rider on a lazily careening path. purely carefree. there are no signs, no lots, no lights; just knees against the metal seatback. alight, and the rising gulls are your coyotes to a blue, pulsating expanse. the world slips and swells behind you, and surges your salt-licked shoulders to shore.

achieving a recent, impacting revelation has scored a huge personal liberation. the weight of the situation has not been removed, but it is rather a dose of truth that overcomes that weight/delusion of weakness. i don't foresee the weight disappearing soon, but how to come to grips with it is an early Christmas gift one could only dream of asking. trite, but i believe now more than ever that the truth sets you free.

never, ever defer the chance at useful information, especially to the sensibilities of others.
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that gum you like [Dec. 9th, 2017|02:21 pm]
beer-floating roots
[Current Mood |coldcold]
[Current Music |j dilla crushin]

has come back in style, and sticks into this trove of archived, nostalgic tarnish one year later.

time to palm it into a fist and push up. it feels like the fabric is unraveling and the seamstress has gone into retirement and an absent replacement has left customers to their own devices. out of necessity of order and peace, times offering uncertainty either lead into consensus or consolidation of power. entering the era of the strongman, new family structures, and the gig economy, it isn't certain whether the current social constitution (little c) is sufficiently grounded to weather the sea change. it'd be nice to take comfort in the SJW approach of love another and hands-on-hips keep-your-meathooks-off-me as a remedial social shift, but you-did-good isn't enough.

the line between authoritarian and autocratic is about as hard as the one between the constructive trust and proprietary estoppel, where one leads so smoothly into the other, and both end up at the same place, where even the most select judges couldn't tell you how, only when.

an economic system reflected by a new taxation scheme are both clobbering people just trying to continue the livelihood they were raised to believe would provide for them. the new scheme, elite elation aside, should be a wake-up call that the US economy is not consistent as it should be, and an accelerated consolidation of finances has been set in law.

news outlet retractions occurring on a semi-weekly basis are not helping either. more discord and less credibility on both ends will lead to a general distrust of both on behalf of civil society. the conflict between them will end badly if the m.o. between the chief executive and the fourth estate is not forced to make a conscious, hard shift.

a hillside patch of desert lime and pepper trees cut by an undulating, crunching driveway leading to a little square house with a fountained courtyard, nestled in between the chaparral. the dream.
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with all this j-u-i-c-e around... [Dec. 6th, 2016|11:27 pm]
beer-floating roots
[Current Music |jon benet - 18 carat affair]

round and round the sphere, and i still find myself at myself. there's endless will to keep moving across the globe but i miss southern california beyond my bones. i miss going to the supermarket in shorts and flip flops.

i'll roll myself up in blankets, listening to the seagulls outside cawing, shut my eyes tight, and think of malibu. thanks be to cheap airfare (365 GBP whaaat) that'll be a reality in two weeks. i think after this glut of traveling in december i'll need vacation from flying. dear nat came from nyc for thanksgiving, and we headed to hamburg to sup at joanne's. dear stephen made it from the depths of the amazon, and even peter's hans blix specs made it to the table. baby carlotta was bouncier than ever, and the whisky, peatier than ever. (y'hear that kieran? we're only drinking from orkney now.)

bad news along the way though. ylva died from an infection from a bone marrow transfusion which came as a shock to everyone. on the last day, i saw nat off to the airport and took another flight. i wish i had called sooner. this plainclothes saint was everything to my family. she taught my dad english before moving to the States, she was my mom's best friend and touchstone in greece, she laid flowers on my brother's grave on a regular basis, and was the first person from the village to accept my stepdad. it was all so sudden and being still in shock while in greece, it only hit me when i had missed my flight, sequestered in the godforsaken schönefeld airport terminal D, in the wee hours of the night, that she was gone. away forever. i broke down in front of strangers and didn't care. i'm tired of trying to keep strangers strange.

death in life is another type of pain that does not ease up through experience. it hurts every time because it's bigger than you. but still, it means somewhere in this crusty old heart lurks love, possibly-only for the right people. she was light, no fear, sharing. rest in peace, bright swimmer.

it's off to finals. wish me luck. thinking of a trip to the carolina lowcountry after a summer internship...
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viernes por la noche, afilar mis ganas [Jul. 16th, 2015|07:07 pm]
beer-floating roots
[Current Music |inkhaf]

Summer so far in Greece:

swimming in the libyan sea 3 km through underwater tunnels, finding deserted beaches
twice finding lost relatives thrice-removed in the most random of places
fighting with a nursing goat-ess on a rock atoll
hoarding sea fennel on the rocky coast
handling a dangerously delicate friends' past breakup
mosquito swatting
tsipouro at 6
beers at mikropolis
going to demos as always the good nationalist
falling in love with the sea for the first time
giving the finger to herr schäuble
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warm sugary breeze [Apr. 14th, 2015|01:49 am]
beer-floating roots
[Current Music |mixtape of funky arabic tunes collected by janis jarkarta]

I left a continent on fire four years ago to end up on a sinking one, and it seems the rest will soon be flooded. I am gonna need a bigger gun.

Is it really recommendable to focus on one thing at a time, have one social group at a time, one livelihood, one life? I feel the more you spread yourself out in this world, the more vulnerable your mind and soul become to outside forces, if not for the proper rational adjustments. Protractively displaced experiences from one another can lead to a loss of self and location; location as adjacency. Does meeting hundreds of differently oriented people, while enriching, produce a beneficial output without exception? Maybe the vignettes of a beer with a Mozambican gardener, the kayak trip with the Spanish hippies, the talk with a roommate about love in winter, or the plane ride to Seattle with the WWII veteran are too disparate. So many viewpoints to juggle, absorb, and take stock of.

This could be the misgiving hamlet dwellers refer to in their will to grow where they are planted. Maybe it is just better to be an insipid, one-track human being with a convergent goal, with a strong trunk, for the sake of a centered self, and far from something self-centered.

In the end, I think the farmer deserves more credit than the writer. "Los logros del pasado y el presente no garantizan el futuro, sino lo hacen mas perceptible."
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inverse reflection [Jan. 1st, 2014|11:23 pm]
beer-floating roots
[Current Music |polaris]

things done in 2013 for the first time:

+unpaid internship
+saw the sun rise on the street during party hours
+fireworks 15 feet from my face
+third emotional shift
+attended a balkan wedding
+drove against LA county's 3 borders in one day
+sex with a best friend
+ran a greek marathon
+lived in germany
+wrote a press release
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used to say [Dec. 30th, 2013|07:51 pm]
beer-floating roots
[Current Mood |many many]

i like chopin.
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turning point. [Sep. 30th, 2013|12:01 am]
beer-floating roots
[Current Mood |through it.]
[Current Music |quasimoto--the unseen (sunday morning muzak)]

autumn just rolled in this week. there's a shift going on, i can feel it. perception, direction, dreams. not toward the completely new, either.

walked down the old neighborhood near the huge cemetary in hamburg with all the trees turning colors earlier this week.

rode my (roommate's) bike today in the sunset and felt so insignificant, as insignificant as that fluttering brown leaf caught in an exhaust thermal, and completely at peace.

convergence of values and actions.
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k. richards [Jun. 21st, 2013|01:00 am]
beer-floating roots
[Current Music |chrome sparks-- marijuana]

nat: she says he swaggers, i say he staggers
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