|with all this j-u-i-c-e around...
||[Dec. 6th, 2016|11:27 pm]
|||||jon benet - 18 carat affair||]|
round and round the sphere, and i still find myself at myself. there's endless will to keep moving across the globe but i miss southern california beyond my bones. i miss going to the supermarket in shorts and flip flops.
i'll roll myself up in blankets, listening to the seagulls outside cawing, shut my eyes tight, and think of malibu. thanks be to cheap airfare (365 GBP whaaat) that'll be a reality in two weeks. i think after this glut of traveling in december i'll need vacation from flying. dear nat came from nyc for thanksgiving, and we headed to hamburg to sup at joanne's. dear stephen made it from the depths of the amazon, and even peter's hans blix specs made it to the table. baby carlotta was bouncier than ever, and the whisky, peatier than ever. (y'hear that kieran? we're only drinking from orkney now.)
bad news along the way though. ylva died from an infection from a bone marrow transfusion which came as a shock to everyone. on the last day, i saw nat off to the airport and took another flight. i wish i had called sooner. this plainclothes saint was everything to my family. she taught my dad english before moving to the States, she was my mom's best friend and touchstone in greece, she laid flowers on my brother's grave on a regular basis, and was the first person from the village to accept my stepdad. it was all so sudden and being still in shock while in greece, it only hit me when i had missed my flight, sequestered in the godforsaken schönefeld airport terminal D, in the wee hours of the night, that she was gone. away forever. i broke down in front of strangers and didn't care. i'm tired of trying to keep strangers strange.
death in life is another type of pain that does not ease up through experience. it hurts every time because it's bigger than you. but still, it means somewhere in this crusty old heart lurks love, possibly-only for the right people. she was light, no fear, sharing. rest in peace, bright swimmer.
it's off to finals. wish me luck. thinking of a trip to the carolina lowcountry after a summer internship...